char diary

he found his love

2010-03-21T21:28:00.002+07:00

I discovered he has found his happiness. Everyone has been asking me to let go since he has found someone and asked me to be happy for him. Why wasnt me the one by his side being with him giving him happiness? Why??? I was angry with myself. I cried everyday even during work. I couldnt control my tears. If one day you turn around, I will be there waiting.

Gotta go for TCM and dental soon. I seen some strange symptoms. When it is time, it's time.

Thank you for all the people around me, comforting me, cheering me up. Thomas, Ian, Kor, Desmond, Kelvin, Ben, Wei Hong, Gorilla, Roger whoever was there for me. I appreciate that. I am not good at expressing but thank you.

I would not be blogging much this day. Will be twittering.
WWW.TWITTER.COM/CHARKISSESYOU.

FOLLOW ME THERE!

have you ever thought of me?

2010-03-14T12:59:00.002+07:00

I have been really emo but I did not show at out. I teared at work hiding myself in the cubicle. AT work, my heart is crying. I really hope that is the happiness you seek for. I prayed everyday hoping you will find happiness. Till now I still love you so much. Have you ever thought of me?

I am planning now for my trip to MACAU/ZHUHAI in May. Quite a number of my friends just went there. I am excited about it. I skipped the trip to Langkawi with my colleagues in April. Anyone wanna go Korea?

Went for IT show for 2 days. I saw David, Wenwei, ShiHui, Alan, Weiren, Zhiming...

I lost my 1 mth old BB. I am currently using bold 9000. Also BB.

我的眼睛涵着泪!

2010-03-12T14:55:00.000+07:00

我的眼睛涵着泪!

你一定要幸福！

LET'S LIM TO THE MAX!!!

sorry i can't love

2010-03-08T20:22:00.002+07:00

Sorry but I DON'T LOVE.

to ppl I hurt, I am sorry.

Don't love me, I am not fit to love anyone.

It has been so long since I blogged.
I felt guilty of what had happened to Kor.
Maybe I was the one who influenced him.
Sorry...

Nich, I wish we could stay friends again.
I am sorry for the promises I broke again.
I guess my LONDON trip gotta postpone.

Shall escape with 38 for a hotel retreat.
Some nice hotel to drink and party.

BINTAN was awesome.
I had some fun with my colleagues.
I am badly sun burned nw.

My Jap lesson is wearing me out.
I am trying to cope with spellings.

loves....

2010-02-23T13:25:00.002+07:00

I have been gambling with JN gang for night. in 7 days a week, I slept less than 12 hours adding up. I love this CNY.

Baby told me a good news yest night. He will be returning back to HK this June to get his ID, then to Vietnam. He might stop over SG before heading back London. Woooooooo~ Or else I gotta wait till July when I go over to see him...... He and I talk some things thru. We shall wait and see how. No point rushing... =D

disappointment from kor

2010-02-13T15:00:00.001+07:00

You have always been he one I look up to, what you told me was a big disappointment. I never expect those actions from you.

I bought my BB phone. 2190CD1F

Butter on WED?

내가 당신을 다시 키스를 할 수?

2010-02-08T21:52:00.002+07:00

내가 당신을 다시 키스를 할 수?
난 네가지만, 널 사랑 싫어 !
거기에 이동하는 시간이다 , charmaine...
난 아직도 네가 너무보고 싶단다

I should start hanging out with friend's friend and move on.
I should not hide in my shell crying over spilled milk.
I wish I could let it go so easily.
난 아직도 네가 너무보고 싶단다

Planning for a 3D2N trip to somewhere at the end of March. Selected the plan already but I am not telling you where. Someone jio me to go BKK at 20 feb but I got many plans this month. I am planning for Korean, Hongkong and Taiwan trip this year. Most importantly KOREA and TAIWAN. Boss wanna sponsor me bo? =D

This week after work, meeting 38 on tue for shopping, wed going Korean food at RED DOT, Thur going to sing K with 38, friday is YO-ah-YO. Sat should rest at home cos steamboat at night and sun CNY. I feel like staying home that every day. Alone for V'day. That patentic...

Someone is coming back. The one who 난 네가지만, 널 사랑 싫어 ! 11 FEB..................................... I felt like going to the airport just to have a peek on him. I am trying to control my temptation. When u once have the best, you will realise nth can be compared to it, I told myself.

get the hint

2010-02-06T12:00:00.002+07:00

During the AIRSHOW,
I went up a CHINOOK.
I cried watching CHINOOK.
I cried watching guys in flight suit.
The reason why I am in aviation line is cos of YOU.

Going SPARKS CANTON PARTY next week.
with Kor and JN gang.
Alot of my friends are attending.
Too bad tickets are sold out if you wanna get them now.

Going to RED DOT MUSEUM area for Korean food next week.

I miss it so much after MAtthew brought us there during Shang-days.

Everyone looking forward to CNY. Well, I am not I guessed. CNY= V'day for this year. NO valentine. =[ CNY is a gambling period. I always wish to spend V'day with my partner. But it never happens. Mid of feb is coming. I am starting to feel frightened.

I need time. I am enjoying single life. Although at times, I needed a shoulder to cry on but I am coping well. Making myself busy to max, going out every night after work. I am not ready for a relationship *get the hint*

busy like bee

2010-02-01T20:45:00.004+07:00

My cheongsam turned out pretty nice. I will wear it on Chu 1 I guessed. Maybe Chu 3.

I went CHINATOWN with colleagues. Crowded....
I went for Sakura dinner with Jing. the $30 was well spent. We ate from 630-815.

This week is gotta be a busy week. Going Seoul Garden with Lamies tml, wed going to club with Ping, thur to AIRSHOW, fri MJ.

I bought so much clothes this 2010. I have more than 20 new clothes and counting. HAHA.

What is up for V'day? I dunno. I wanna buy lavender for myself. Dunno will any florist import them in. I don't need a valentine date. I wanna gamble like mad on Chu 1. WAHAHA.

Sing K with my colleagues this sunday and planning for Red Dot Museum Korean food with colleagues next week. CANTO SPARKS PARTY with Kor and JN gang. Can yo ah yo with them. LOL

BUSY LIKE BEE..........

pest

2010-01-31T22:47:00.002+07:00

I do not understand why some freaking idiots do not get the hint.
I normally reply sms or answer phone immediately.
When I don't means I do not wanna talk or have any contact with you.
By the time no sms or answer, don't call/sms again and again.
Just take it & forget about it, and LEAVE ME AGAIN.
Stop being annoying and do not pester me anymore.

touching

2010-01-25T23:01:00.002+07:00

I was watching Hi! Sweetheart when I started crying at Episode 13 part 8 1min48sec. So touching sia

Kyu-hyun

2010-01-25T22:00:00.002+07:00

That dumb doc left my eye surrounding with blue black and blood clot. Angry sia. Now like kenna box. I woke up seeing purple eyeshadow surrounding it.

1 week never touch liquor yet I went drinking with Gerald last night. It has been 1 year plus since I last seen him. He was busy with airforce and I was busy too. It was glad catching up with him.

I have craving for raw oysters!!!!!!

Did some online shopping. =D. spend money again. Waiting for my citi clear card to come and I can write a cheque to pay my Japanese lessons.

Super in love with Kyu-Hyun. OMG. My love for koreans cannot stop. Jonghyun, Hyun Joong, Kim Bum, Jeong Hoon, Si won. Aiyo... Help? Any medication for loving Korean guys? I wanna meet SJM......

MY MIND IS ALL ABOUT KYU HYUN.....

lousy surgery

2010-01-21T22:24:00.002+07:00

Yest I finally met up with Reagan. Had dinner tampines one thai express and drinks at coffee club.....

I had my surgery done this noon. Damn the doctor. He gave me aesthetic and yet I felt the whole surgery. I could feel him cutting a hole and everything. I told him so and he gave excuses. I should not have trust that surgery doctor and went ahead with my eye specialist. He stuffed a graze into the wound. It fuking hurts like mad. My eyes went teary. This surgery was totally different from the other one I had. This one was so painful. I wish I had someone with me. Boss wanted to send me over but I insisted I will survive thru this process. Although doctor gave me 2 days MC, I went back to work after the surgery and eating Chao Guo Tiao for lunch. LOL. I know I should have cos seafood was not good for wound. Nvm. I saw Ziyang when I was having lunch at Simei. Dark chocolate bought me lunch and I did not know till I went home. So sorry. I felt bad.

Supposed to meet Jing after work but something cropped up. Hope everything went fine. Uncle Adrian suggested wine-ing when I was at home. Tired so did not wanted to go. Once he said he wanted to go riding, I was fully awake. Haha. I missed being pillion. I reminded him time and time to ride his bike over instead of his car. I was not used to see him riding a bike for his occupation. He wanted to look at condo for investments so we went rounding at town area. 900k called cheap! NB. He rode back to his place cos he said it was too tiring for him not riding it for 1 yr plus. Old man la.... And he drove me back in his uncle car once again.....

busy at work

2010-01-19T22:20:00.002+07:00

Woo. Busy at work. I am busying chopping. Like what Faizal said, ICA. LOL I am laughing out when I saw his email commenting on what I was doing till Si-an heard my laughter and asked what was going on. Hehe.

Tml there will be despatchment course. I will be attending if nothing much at work. Everyday 0900-1600 for 4 weeks. LOL. Boss suggested me taking some language course as in future it would come handy if I am travelling with him. Should be Japanese school in march for 5 months. I wanna take up Korean and French too. I am enjoying work so so muchie.

I am glad Sharlene likes the haircut Xiao Xue mummy did for her. =D Thanks mummy.

Friday going Kor's house again. MJ chill , thrashed the house..... I missed DA SAO's pumpkin soup. First time in my life trying pumpkin soup. Her vietnamese dish was so good....

not involved

2010-01-18T23:37:00.002+07:00

海派甜心 episode 13's trailer is so touching. I wanna cry when watching it. All bcos of love.

I started to feel unwell aftre not taking antibiotics. I should take 8 pills a day but I only take 2 a day. I am totally excited about thursday surgery. Arent you too?

I don't need anyone at the moment. I am happy with friends around me. Meeting up catching up with them. Enjoyed the company of my colleagues, lamies outings, meeting up with friends that I have not seen for a long time. I don't wanna get involve in anything. Just leave me alone.

enjoyable day

2010-01-18T21:46:00.002+07:00

Last night I was out with Martin. Last minute, Martin invited his friend, Douglas over. We went to East Coast HK cafe. It was nice catching up with Martin after so long. Douglas was easy get along. =] Halfway through, Martin's friend's flight reached earlier and left me halfway. Douglas and I walked over to East Coast Park and watched the fishing farm. Not easy there.

Today Boss brought all of us to Upper Paya Lebar for lunch. Muslim food!! So many dishes and I was eating with sweats as it was so spicy. Hao la~ But I enjoyed the food. I ate many food that I would never try. I was surprised with myself eating what boss offered me. After lunch, Boss distributed the goodies he bought from Toyko. =] I was bloated with the goodies cos I went around trying every single thing.

After work, Shaun, Guanling, Gerrymel, Si-An and I went Bugis. GuanLing's treat after winning the lucky draw for DnD. We had so much food and dessets. It was Gerrymel first time there and we bought those food he has yet to try before. after that, the guys tagged along as the girls were busy shopping. Can't wait for Chinatown trip next week.

david yeo

2010-01-17T13:37:00.002+07:00

I am craving for maggi mee. So despite after eating my rice, I cooked the curry maggi mee. The soup was yummy but the noodle sucks big time.

He called me. I was taken aback.

I wanna chinatown. I have bought my cheongsam for CNY and hopefully it will be nice. Although I still wasn't sure if I will stay in SG for CNY.

Uncle Adrian is back from London. =] Too tired last night to go Butter with him. Shall catch up with him soon.

So many London trip. I am still in SG. NB

我好想好好大哭一场！

2010-01-16T22:01:00.002+07:00

我好想好好大哭一场！

I should have known. I should have.
I thought it was different. I thought.
Just tell me what to do.

stroppy

2010-01-16T18:56:00.002+07:00

I am pissed with myself. Someone used stroppy to describe me. Thanks~

爱不单行

2010-01-16T13:29:00.003+07:00

Alone is such a frightening thing. i wanted to stay home despite friends asking me out. It is so scary being home. Listening to songs and mind was wondering. I recalled many things, many memories. At times, I wish that I could turn back time. There are many things I could have avoid and prevent and work out. My tears just rolled down when I was listening to this song.

罗志祥 - 爱不单行

找不到人说心里的寂寞
找不到人都怕变得沉默
找不到命中注定在一起的人以后
很多人都笑我
一个人过生活
爱
只有简单笔画
却比想象复杂
很安定爱变化
我爱过几个人
也被爱过几遍
却还是没能将幸福留下
爱
是不可输的吗
为何我还相信
她不是不欣赏
我在等一个人
在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行别害怕

用不完身边泛滥的自由
还是怕孤单是一种诅咒
羡慕我能飞的人为何在天黑以后
还是宁愿回到
爱情那个枷锁
爱
只有简单笔画
却比想象复杂
很安定爱变化
我爱过几个人
也被爱过几遍
却还是没能将幸福留下
爱
是不可输的吗
为何我还相信
她不是不欣赏
我在等一个人
在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行别害怕
爱
是不可输的吗
为何我还相信
她不是不欣赏
我在等一个人
在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行别害怕
我在等一个人
在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行相信她

Meeting Martinng tml. He is back to SG from Brisbane for an 2 months attachment. It has been 2-3 years since I last catch up with him.

Yest went Kor's house for MJ. Lost 60++. NB. down on luck.

你一定要很幸福

Perhaps true love is only comes once in a lifetime.

yourself and bitches

2010-01-15T14:17:00.003+07:00

I have been really busy. Normally home past midnight and waking up at 7 in the morning. Went bugis shopping, meeting Jung Hyun, dinner at chijmes, eating at Ah Yat, drinking at Yumeya. So packed. I have yet to meet up with Reagan and Kas, Ping, Jo. So sorry.

MJ at Kor's place tonight. Wish me luck!! heng heng!

Jung Hyun brought me around Laselle last night. It was my first time in the school and they are having open house today.

I shall stay home on weekend to skype. LOL.

I am excited thinking of the trip. =]

I was at CGH A&E but did not manage to get the surgery on the spot. I was asked to come back next week for the surgery. Meanwhile taking antibiotics at the moment. It was not as bad as before.

The last time you went sicked, I was next to you. Making porridge and making sure you take your medicine. But this time round, you have got only yourself and those ......

congrats kas

2010-01-10T21:53:00.002+07:00

Nic was looking forward to me coming London and even wanted me to be his photography model. Sorry. I am staying in SG.

Might be heading BKK in feb. wow. I just checked flying to during CNY season not cheap sia.

I am making my week really busy and packed so that time will pass really fast. At the same time, I am so tired.

For some ppl, I will nt wish nor bless them as they do not deserve it. For all the bad stuffs you did to ppl around you, you will not or shall not derserve happiness.

Congrats Kas on being on the papers!
Looking forward to meet my gals on thursday for MJ and dinner.

yap ha wee

2010-01-10T13:23:00.002+07:00

他高高的，有着黑黑的皮肤，喜欢穿着短裤，黑黑的头发有着几根白发，身材瘦瘦的，好像瘾养不良的样子。他长得很凶但人很好。

He might look slim but he is fit for his built. He has really jet black hair which comes with a few strands of white hair among it. He looks manly, but he really sing. He look fierce which he doesn't smile, but he is warm in the heart. He loves wearing bermudes even in the winter. He has really good skin being a man, and put on facial products before sleeping. He has so many polo t-shirts and some were nv wore before.

let me down

2010-01-10T12:57:00.001+07:00

In life, people always need friends. To me, I just need one good bestie who will be there no matter what, thru my ups and downs. I used to treasure my bestie but one after one let me down. That is why I rather be alone then let another good friend let me down again. Haissss.

Anyone wants to go holiday during CNY? I don't wanna be in SG during that season........

luck has been on my side

2010-01-10T12:03:00.002+07:00

This week was a busy week. Meeting up with Jing a few times for shopping and hair services, meeting up with drinking bunch for more drinks, went BBQ, meeting up with Jung hyun, MJ-ing. LOL. Finally back from Taiwan after one month.

My hair is so brown now, I am so worried going to work tml. What will bosses and colleagues say? .....

Luck has been on my side. I won 50 bucks from Si Ki Pi with royce and 85 bucks from MJ. At least it covered the hair service I did yest. I gottaa cut down on drinking. And have more healthy activities.

My eyes lids have been swollen for weeks. I am wondering if it was the same infection which I had half year plus back which I need to do a minor operation. I am scared.

Work has been busy. not really. Maybe I acted busy. Weekend passes so fast. So fast tml gotta work. siannnn

leave me alone

2010-01-05T00:01:00.002+07:00

Please leave me alone. You have done enuff hurt and torture to me. I am here trying so hard. Please just leave stay out of my life. I am not your friend nor even stranger. Cos stranger will not even hate. BUT I HATE YOU TO MAX. You digusted me. First time in the 6 mths, I have regretted going to states. I should have listen to friends's advices and stay in SG. But I was way too stubborn believing that I should seek for my love. Though it was long distance. I believed it will work. I really do. Not matter what ppl say, I chose to stay firm with my decision to be with you and with my love for you. I thank you for bringing me over. I am really grateful even till now. But overall, I can never stay friends nor stay contact with you.

Horoscope for rabbit gemini is a good year for marriage. I wish. I really wish. But right now, all I want is career. Love hurts me hard. The wound has yet to recover. I try to be brave not to tear, telling myself it was not worth it.

I decided not to go UK. Stay in SG and work hard in where I am now. I wanna see results.

Many of my friends got married last year and going to get married this year. Congrats! I will used up my blesses for you guys as I do not need them anymore now.

I love my life now. Work and home. Some days I meet up with lamies. Some days I stay home. I wanna keep myself busy.

Uncle Adrian, have a safe flight to London. NB. Every week fly, every week gotta wish him. why not be air steward....

ANYONE wants to go Taiwan with me this year? I wanna visit the Lavender farm....

2010 NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

2010-01-03T13:30:00.002+07:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR. 2010. A BRAND NEW YEAR.

I had a busy week this week.

MON- After work practised dance with my member till 8 plus.
TUE- Choon Seng for lunch with bosses and committee members, After work practised dance with my member till 9 plus.
WED- Lunch at Imperial Treasure with EODs and bosses. Then DND. I was crazy wine-ing that night. But the wine helped me dance better.
THU- Unexpected half day work after CEO announcment. Lunch at Siglap which costs $1200 for a small amount of us. Evening went to Kor's house for MJ till 5 in the morning then home.
FRI- JB for foot massage and meat feast.
SAT- ban mian then go SI MA LU to pray and shopping with JING. Meet the rest of lamies for dinner at some beijing restaurant then to HANGOUT for usual Wii. We played for 4 crazy hours then had dessert after that.

SINFUL. I have been eating shark fin for 3 days this week. CEO has been bringing us for good food. I still prefer fish maw soup with lots of vinegar. haha. Next week will be even more good food for lunch. I don't have to pack lunch boxes le.... =]

2010 NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

1. Travel to Taiwan
2. Travel to BKK again.
3. Pay raise.
4. Travel to more countries.
5. Learn Korean
6. Get a diploma certificant
7. Get a car liscence
8. Get a laptop.
9. Cut down drinking.
10. Save money

糟糕

2009-12-27T19:26:00.002+07:00

我的人眞的很糟糕!

I laughed at myself for making a fool.
I am too gullible.

retribution

2009-12-27T17:48:00.002+07:00

You will get your retribution someday. Maybe soon.
Just wait and see!
YOU ARE SO DIGUSTING!!!!!

the hangout

2009-12-26T12:28:00.002+07:00

Once again, the christmas atmosphere caught up with me. Moody. Sometimes I thought many things will change if I never do this or if I do this. But why never? NB. I blamed myself for the failure of this relationship. I love him more than anything. But it will not work out anymore.

I love the hangout. I will definitely frequent it more often in future. Playing Wii with lamies was so much fun. LOL

Eve of X'mas

2009-12-26T10:25:00.002+07:00

The eve X'mas company lunch was fantastic. We should be working in the morning but everyone was busy with the deco and food. One by one the food and the guests came. My fav food on that day has to be the har gao from Imperial Treasures. =D I am big fan of shrimps. HEHE. I also had numberous glasses of wine. There was one really sweet sparking red wine. After everything was done, boss asked us to tabao the remaining food back.

At night, met up with my sec school mates, AH kow, WJ and DJ. WJ's gf was there as well. We chilled at WJ's balcony and chatted. It has been some time since I last saw them. After the session, we headed to Hongkong Katong for food. I was damn tired while waiting fo food. DJ almost fell asleep. He finished his food so fast just to go home and sleep.

kas autograph session

2009-12-23T20:23:00.003+07:00

Kas's autography session was a blast.
Fans came down to support her.
She shone like a superstar yesterday.
She glows!
Had Shoduko with her with her friends. Then went s club to celebrate Kas's successful night.

你是我心里的痛

2009-12-21T20:34:00.003+07:00

你是我心里的痛!
Love is actually so fragile.

I brought lunch from home today.
But Boss and EODs insisted get me to join them for lunch.
We drove over to T3 and dined at Imperial Treasure.
Boss got me all my favourite dim sums.
I highly recommend you people to try out.
Thanks boss.

London here i come

2009-12-21T18:17:00.002+07:00

You are so gross. YOU digusted me. Now I hate you to core. I curse you everyday.

I have made my decision. LONDON here I come.

Phone works plssssss

2009-12-20T20:21:00.002+07:00

At times, I felt lonely. Wanted to talk to somebody. Lie on a shoulder and cry out loud. I thought the bad times are over. Why is there still misses for him? How long more will this eventually come to an end? I just missed out to attend an auction function today. Tuesday going for Kas's autography session, wed maybe MJ with Kor, thursday company Christmas party, friday christmas liao. =D Long weekend. Pray hard that my phone can work else haissss.

my cell died

2009-12-20T16:43:00.004+07:00

Nowadays I thought alot about past, future and now. Have I not play a good role as a gf when I was with Yap? What I could have done to make me a better gf? Indeed, I wasn't good enough. Till now, I still shed tears whenever I thought of 6 months relationship. We have been through alot. I do not hate him of cos. But I do not wanna contact him anymore. It hurts me when I saw him moving on with life so easily. As though I had been forgotten. Forgotten me, our love, our relationship.

I was reading xiaxue's blog. I was so touched with her lastest entry regarding Mike and her. They are engaged. I am happy for her. I felt the same thing. Long distance relationship and her saying that she thought nobody will love her cos of the way she is, Mike did. When I was in Dallas, I always thought no one will love me but Yap did. He treated me so well which no one has ever did so. He never ask me to change, he loves me for who I am. He has given me a perfect wonderful relationship. I always thought he was the one and I rely so much on him. Only when we part, I realised how handicap I was without him. It is time for me to take care of myself.

London is far away. But it is a good way to let me grow and mature slowly. 2 years though is a long time but when I am back, I am sure I will be a stronger person. 2 years down the road, I will not be the same old me anymore.

My cell died on me. NB. I cannot on it. All my contacts and photos are still there. Time to get a new phone. Iphone or blackberry?

Yesterday I went Xiaoxue's mummy there to get my fringe cut. Now I am having bangs. I am not sure if it is nice. Thank you so much mummy. I gotta change my extension and mummy gotta cut my hair. Colouring soon too. =D

wasn't good enuff

2009-12-19T01:22:00.004+07:00

It isn't his fault. I don't blame him. I wasnt good enuff for him to change his love for me. I still love princess as much. I was really happy that princess came forward and talked to me about her problem. I felt so happy as though as I had a kid. I love her as much even after Yap and I were over. She has did nothing wrong. Whatever Yap did, I have forgiven him. I am happy for him no matter what. I chose not to contact him myself. So I can blame no one. Princess and I chatted. I am glad I have made her happy. Princess, be happy alright? I love you as much like my own.

Had dinner at Fine Cuts at the Central last night. Pork steak, Ribeye and mixture. Wow. I am surprised that I had so much meat that night. From the Central walked over to Club Street. Natasha's pub called Cellar Rouge. I love the pubs at Club Street. Very classy. Alot better than the pubs at Dempsy which I went last week. We had 3 bottles of whites in 2 hours. LOL. Head to beds. Tiredddddd...

I decided to let go. Later heading The Central again for a haircut with Xiaoxue mummy. I need a new look, a brand new me.

6 months full of shit

2009-12-17T19:33:00.002+07:00

to think of it, 6 months full of shit. I thought he has changed. Leopard will never change its spot.

Going prawning. Trying out the new place at badminton hall. I miss fav bunch!!! So long never see them since I went Dallas.

a leopard will never change its spot

2009-12-17T19:04:00.002+07:00

Total disappointment. I gave up. You are beyond hope. Hopeless. A leopard will never chnage its spot. This is the only leopard I hate. Enjoy yourself. I will never see you again. Let's not contact anymore. Byeee.

I was offered a job in UK, London. I am definitely tempted by the salary, the place. I was even more willing to go after the disappointment. As soon as I send my documents over, visa, air ticket and housing accommodation will be process. Should I or should I not? 2 years contract leh..... Working in UK will be a very good experience for me. Should talk to Nic regarding this offer.

a day pardon me

2009-12-16T23:02:00.002+07:00

A day closer to seeing you.
A day further from your touch.
A day closer to 1/2 year Anni.
A day closer to Christmas.
A day older.
A day full of online searching.
A day with hugs and kisses.
A day with lots of pastries.
A day without you again.
A day without me not loving you.

Pardon my stupidness.
Pardon my dumbness.
Pardon my blurness.
Pardon my ugliness.
Pardon my temper.
Pardon my selfishness.
Pardon my mood swing.
Pardon my jealousy.
Pardon my tantrums.
Pardon my inconsideration.
Pardon my love for you.
Pardon my misses.
Pardon my imperfections.

extend to 72 hours a day

2009-12-15T22:05:00.003+07:00

I need a fringe cut. Maybe should look for xiao xue to do my hair for me. It is hard to test any hairstylist nowadays. Alot of things to do this weekend. Can someone extend my weekends to 72 hours per day? and put Dallas next to Singapore!!! =D

bubblegum kisses

2009-12-15T21:07:00.002+07:00

Did you miss my s?
키스

i love you, see you in feb okay?

2009-12-15T19:49:00.003+07:00

Everyone bringing their partner. I don't have. Where should I dig a partner for company DnD? zZZZzZzzz. Angry. Maybe don't attend liao. No one to talk to during the dinner. Sian 1/2.

I want the Claire's leopard print flask I saw the other time in Vista Ridge. If that one was not dented, I would have bought it and could use it in the office. I want more leopard print.

I love you, see you in feb okay?

*4 more days to 1/2 yr Anni.*

雨爱

2009-12-14T20:42:00.002+07:00

雨爱 this song has been running through my mind. I have listened like more than 30 times just now. I wish everyone who is attached to treasure their love ones as we will never know when he or she will be there till. To those who are single like me, cherish your family and friends.

I have cleared alot of people in my fb. Please do not add me if you dunno me. Even girls. Irritating. You dunno me, so there is no need for you to know me. Adding me doesnt mean we are friends. I only keep friends in my fb list. For those who i deleted, sorry you are not friend enuff with me. I have cleaned up my msn. If you have not seen me online for a week, means you are no longer in my msn list. TY.

I wanted to watch The Princess and the Frog. I always tell him at Hollywood that I wanna watch this show. But he just simply pretended he did not hear that cos he dun watch this kinda show. I still siao siao say that I will go back SG and watch with princess.

Work was alright today. We girls ate at the pantry. It was an nice experience. Boss mentioned smth today. It inspired me and maybe I wanna try something new when march april comes. Wish me luck. No boundaries. I give myself 1/2 a year to try out this job. I will survive for sure, sucess or not, it will depends. Company christmas tea party and company dinner coming up. I got performances that I gotta practise soon. Lots of things coming up.

Christmas is coming. I always wonder what am I going to do. I have always wanted to spend countdown at some good friend's place and countdown together. Pubs and clubs are no longer my type of places. Orchard is way out. I always hate crowded places. We will be counting down at different time zone.

我就是喜欢你！

2009-12-13T22:12:00.005+07:00

我喜欢你睡觉时会说梦话。
我喜欢你跟我一样爱吃香菜。
我喜欢你睡觉之前会叫我帮你抓痒。
我喜欢你唱和跳 Sorry sorry。
我喜欢你笑的样子。
我喜欢你看着我。
我喜欢你牵你的手。
我喜欢你抱着你。
我喜欢你开车牵着我的手。
我就是喜欢你！

a brand new life

2009-12-13T21:45:00.002+07:00

Tomorrow will officially be a brand new start for me. A new job, a new life. I am making bento for work tomorrow. =D A colourful nice nice bento.

I will pray for you everyday and bless you. My heart is all out for you. Best wishes. You will success!

see you in feb

2009-12-13T12:53:00.002+07:00

He asked me to let him go. All the while I thought I have let him go. You were my greatest regret. Regret for not cherishing you enuff. You wanted to be free. I will let you go. Take care, my love. See you in feb.

说好的幸福呢????

2009-12-13T12:40:00.000+07:00

说好的幸福呢????

God, can you please tell me what to do?

2009-12-13T12:30:00.001+07:00

I thought I made up my mind to give up but why a text from him made me teared and my heart soften. God, can you please tell me what to do?

i love you so

2009-12-12T20:26:00.003+07:00

Today is the last time I will cry for him. I am hurt really badly. I am willing to change but no one accepted me. The changes I have done, he did not appreciate it. I gave my all in this relationship. I never regretted being with you. You were so beautiful so perfect. I appreciate what you have done for me and have given me. Those times we spent together were wonderful times. I was very well pampered, very well loved and taken care of. Life in Dallas passed really quick. Although I see him every day for the 3 mths but I never got sicked of it. I always look forward going out with him hands in hands. Just holding his hands are simple happiness. I always doubt his love before going over. But during the 3 months, I finally understand love is what the 3 months I have been thru. Now I truly believe people can find love online. I did. True love is hard to find and that is why I am trying very hard to hold on. But eventually time is up, I have to let him and the realtionship go. I really enjoy the times he and I shared. He is tired so am I. Waiting everyday for his text/call. I wanna salvage this realtionship but I am all alone. It takes two to clap. If one decides it is over, it should be over. I held on to him but he wanted to be free. Take care. You are free like a bird from now onwards. I love you so.....................

busy running around my mind

2009-12-12T19:13:00.002+07:00

I wanna go out but I am being choosy. Don't wanna go here don't wanna go there. Don't wanna go out with this, don't wanna go out with that. He is busy running around my mind. I am missing you. Yet you are sound asleep....

kill me

2009-12-12T18:46:00.000+07:00

Take a knife and kill me. Dont let me bleed slowly.....

what else can I do?

2009-12-12T17:46:00.003+07:00

Haisss. I don't deleted some friends in FB, deleted my friendster and tagged account.

I have been a good girl this few days. I really dunno what else can I do. I need a crying shoulder. No one appreciate what I have done.

I am so lost

2009-12-12T17:33:00.001+07:00

It is 4.30am. No call no text from him. I have no idea what happen. I am so lost.

what is wrong with me?

2009-12-12T17:16:00.003+07:00

Where else can I go? I can only in the house. The only place I have been recently since I am back. It is a saturday and 2 days before I start work. But I am stuck at home. I chose not to go out. But I felt so lonely. What is wrong with me?

everyone is out

2009-12-12T16:30:00.001+07:00

Everyone is out again. I am home waiting for your call.

my heart melted

2009-12-12T14:40:00.001+07:00

He just texted me saying that he is still Mj-ing. You know what, he called me baby.....
My heart just melted. A simple text is enuff to make me feel contented.

I am waiting for the slim chance.

2009-12-12T13:58:00.002+07:00

I am waiting for the slim chance.

say you love me

2009-12-12T00:22:00.001+07:00

say that you love me
say that you care
say that you love me
say that you care
遇到对的人是种缘分
我不得不承认
女生还是该要有分寸
你要去瞄准你要的人
不再被动的等
送上嘴唇变成你的人
我认识一个女孩
她天真活泼可爱
在等待
有个人可以给她一身三千宠爱
不需要很有钱不需要很帅
她脾气古怪
有时候包容有时候你必须忍耐
为什么她竟然爱上他
她到底在想什么
她是否忘了帅哥不能爱
是什么让她乱了方寸
不知道该做什么
我想说这怎么可能
她舍得舍弃自己的尊严与爱好
女追男的游戏一点都不害臊
一天到晚在他身边又闹又吵
只为了能够被他瞪一眼就好
看她在这边而他在那边
她想被他捧在手心上面
而他装做视而不见
脑袋中却浮现
眼前尽是她在微笑的画面
而她说
遇到对的人是种缘分
我不得不承认
女生还是该要有分寸
你要去瞄准你要的人
不再被动的等
送上嘴唇变成你的人
say that you love me
say that you care
女生还是该要有分寸
遇到对的人
say that you love me
say that you care
不再被动的等
送上嘴唇变成你的人
从头来过
要快乐不要难过不要谎言要承诺
他和她的爱情绝不懒惰
就算有不安定的因素随时出没
她也能排除万难和他一起渡过
渡过这漫漫长冬长冬后满面春风
春风吹到他心中心中尽是无限的感动
她不再去注意他任何的一举一动
才发现自己早已不小心陷入其中
他知道我想是他知道
所有她的一切他都知道
他看到了她如此掏肺掏心
心里早就想把她抱紧
不管未来艰难险阻再多
只管现在能够相爱再说
想一起完成的事情太多
就怕时间不够
而她说
遇到对的人是种缘分
我不得不承认
女生还是该要有分寸
你要去瞄准你要的人
不再被动的等
送上嘴唇变成你的人
say that you love me
say that you care
女生还是该要有分寸
遇到对的人
say that you love me
say that you care
不再被动的等
送上嘴唇变成你的人
say that you love me
say that you care
say that you love me
say that you care

The song suits me..... How I feel.....

was once

2009-12-11T21:22:00.001+07:00

I envy those couples out there. I was once on those couple. But I am now alone.

心里很难受

2009-12-11T20:47:00.003+07:00

In the past, whenever something unhappy or something happens, the one who I will turn to is him. Now I am so troubled. I don't know who to turn to. 心里很难受！ What can I do? Just tell me, I will listen and do. You are the only christmas wish I wanted. Be mine again....

christmas alone

2009-12-11T19:34:00.002+07:00

My favourite festive season yet I am going spend it alone. I wanna spend it with you so much. I am at the other part of the world. 8 more days to 1/2 year Anni and 14 days to Christmas.....

just you

2009-12-11T19:02:00.000+07:00

Everyone is out but I am home thinking of you.

lonely christmas

2009-12-11T18:15:00.000+07:00

Counting down to the lonely christmas....

我好想你！

2009-12-11T16:08:00.001+07:00

我好想你！

Starting work on monday.　But i have not complete my medical check up. I am excited to start working again. But I will have lesser time to do things in future. But one thing I am sure, I will not forget to miss you. He said smth very sweet. I asked if he misses me. He said if he don't miss me, he wouldn't be calling me. =D I am grinning inside my heart.

Talk soon

2009-12-11T14:42:00.001+07:00

He called me. I am so happy. Tomorrow he promised to skype with me. We shall talk soon.

w.h.x.n

2009-12-11T13:15:00.002+07:00

I have been a good girl. Baby, did you realise it?
W.H.X.N

only one

2009-12-10T15:23:00.000+07:00

You are the only one who can life me up high and drop me down hard.

voice

2009-12-10T14:40:00.003+07:00

It has been awhile since I heard his voice.
The voice I used to hear everyday for hours.
I longed just to hear your voice again.
Even if you are just nagging at me, I don't mind at all.
I am not greedy. I just wanna receive your sms or call even just one msg or 1 min call.
Am i asking for much?

waited

2009-12-10T14:15:00.001+07:00

I was supposed to go for an x-ray. I waited and waited for the little happiness which will not happen.

promises

2009-12-09T19:12:00.002+07:00

As long I have the strength and ability, I promised I will wait for your return. That is what I promised you and myself. I love you.

雨爱

2009-12-09T17:42:00.001+07:00

窗外的天气
就像是你多变的表情

下雨了
雨陪我哭泣
看不清
我也不想看清

离开你我安静的抽离
不忍揭晓的剧情
我的泪流在心里
学会放弃

听雨的声音
一滴滴清晰
你的呼吸象雨滴渗入我的爱里
真希望雨能下不停
雨爱的秘密
能一直延续
我相信我将会看到
彩虹的美丽
屋内的湿气象储存爱你的记忆
真希望雨能下不停

雨爱的秘密
能一直延续
我相信我将会看到
彩虹的美丽

Please turn around cos I am still there waiting for you.

2009-12-09T11:55:00.000+07:00

Please turn around cos I am still there waiting for you.

i have been a good girl, santa

2009-12-08T17:03:00.003+07:00

Santa, I have been a good girl lately. Please grant me my only christmas wish. I promise I will stay good.

Ping said I changed. My character changed for the better she said. I think I am changing. Learning to cherish the things around me. I learnt not to take things around me for granted. friends, family, things. I think that is part of growing up. I know for my age is kinda old to mature but I am still learning. Thank you for the people around me who bears with me and who guided me thru. Thank you all so much.

He made a call to me. I am so touched. Though it was 4am in dallas, he made the efforts to gimmi a call. Thank you. I really appreciated that. It is not the duration that matters, was the effort made. Thank you~

white lonely christmas

2009-12-08T14:02:00.003+07:00

I guess it will be a lonely christmas for me. White lonely christmas.
It is a terrible thing to spend festive season alone.
Even if we are far apart, our heart will be as one.

i have to move on. I

2009-12-07T19:48:00.001+07:00

I felt so much better chatting with her. Thank you for your time and advice. I appreciate it. Thank you. I should move on. I guess I have to.

how long more

2009-12-07T15:59:00.000+07:00

I don't know how long much can I take it.

my 22 birthday with him

2009-12-07T12:34:00.003+07:00

On 8th of June '09, he came over to pick me up at my place. He was supposed to spend my 22th birthday with me. He called me when he reached. Hearing his voice, the first time. Normally is thru skype. I went down and see him by the black car. I went over and he went over and opened the my door for me. No one has ever done that for me. Deep inside, I was touched by the simple gestures showing his gentleman behaviours. He bought me the Chunky Beef stew that I mentioned when we chatted. 6 cans of it. We had not decided where to go. He decided to take me to Holland V Haagen Dazs. It was the first time seeing each other face to face. We chatted so easily like knew each other for a long time. We did stupid stuffs like making people guessed our ages. After the desserts, he bought me to Bishan to prawn. We are both big fans of prawning. Just nice, his sister and brother-in law were also there prawning. When we were about to go, we went over to them and passed them the prawns that we caught. We had 126 for dinner.

beside me

2009-12-06T18:42:00.002+07:00

I realised I cannot watch those charity show. My tears will flow, heart will ache. Haisss. I watch you were beside me.

baby. W.A.N

2009-12-06T15:28:00.002+07:00

Very soon our 6 Anni is coming up. Will he still remember? I miss his voice. I miss everything of his. Why didn't I cherish what I have in the past? He was there when I was down, was there when I wanted someone to share my happiness. I took his good for granted. Never realise that one day he will leave me for good. Baby, W.A.N

turn back time

2009-12-06T13:16:00.001+07:00

Can I ever hold your hold again?
Be in your arms?
How I wish I could turn back time.

baby' i love you so much

2009-12-06T11:03:00.002+07:00

I forced myself not to think of you but why isn't so hard? I missed you so much. Memories are everywhere. You can't leave my mind. I wonder if you really have forgotten me? Forgotten the things we been through. forgotten that we love each other so much, forgotten our sweet memories. Baby, I love you so much..

pray for strength

2009-12-06T10:48:00.002+07:00

I shall go to the temple some day. To gain strength.

hug u to sleep

2009-12-05T20:02:00.001+07:00

I hug my monkey to sleep. Placing it beside me as though you are next to me.

sorry

2009-12-05T18:55:00.002+07:00

Today, I apologised to dad on behalf of my siblings and me. It was easy for me. Cos I have never done that. But though my siblings and I did not say anything, but we know we did something wrong. Saying sorry deep from the heart, the person receiving it will feel it. I did. I teared after the sorry cos I have never say it from the heart when I was young. But I knew the importance of saying it truly.

Thank you Kuku, I love you too.

2009-12-05T15:11:00.001+07:00

Thank you Kuku, I love you too.

not good enough

2009-12-05T13:13:00.004+07:00

In these 3 months, I was a lucky girl. Hand in hand with a charming wonderful man everywhere we go. We were like the sweetest couple. Singing songs in the car while driving, going groceries shopping together, walking the dog, watching show online together. Things are very simple yet memorable. Thinking back, just holding his hands I felt so secure. His hands are so warms. Now my heart feels so cold without his warm. In the morning waking up in his arms, is such a sweet thing. He was the best gift I had. I could never believe I had such luck to have to a man like him. I wasn't good enough for him from the start.

I don't wanna watch movie anymore. I don't wanna watch 我猜 nor 对不起high到你 anymore. I don't wanna go supermarket anymore. Every little things brought memories of us up. Can anyone tell me what should I do? Memories are everywhere.

I can't help blogging. I have no choice but to throw my emotions, my misses, my love for you all here. I know I cannot call or text you. I am trying very hard. Who else can I confide to? Who else can understand how I am going through right now?

Baby, I am sorry

2009-12-05T12:11:00.000+07:00

Baby, I am sorry

我好爱你

2009-12-05T11:35:00.002+07:00

We are drifting further and further apart. I no longer sense your care, your love nor you. You seems so far far away. Can someone tell me what to do. What should I do.

It hurts so long letting you go. I told myself I have to give you time and space. Deep in my heart, I wanna talk to you, hear your voice so much. Baby, 我好爱你。。。

我好想你。。。

2009-12-05T11:21:00.002+07:00

我好想你。。。
Do you feel it?

How can you be so cruel to me?

you wrere my everything

2009-12-05T10:19:00.003+07:00

I was at the peak of the world overlooking things. But I am now at the ground maybe even underneath. I used to be the one being envied at, I could not only envy people. I am the luckiest at one time, but now I got nothing left.

People always don't treasure what they have until they left. When they realise how much they need the person, it is way too late for everything.

Dallas 1st day

2009-12-05T09:44:00.002+07:00

I still remember the day when I arrived at Dallas Fort Worth. I received his text saying 'I am here liao, waiting for u! Muacks'. It just seem like not long ago this happened. When I was pushing my trolley out, I saw him, the man who I am going to live with for 3 months, the man who says will love me forever. He walked over to me giving me a hug, I was so shy. Cos it was our 1st hug as a couple. I wondered before if will we have any topic in common, will we behave like any couple. He held my hand while driving eased off the thoughts I have. Yes, we will be like any couple. We went over to IHOP for brunch. It was very natural for us chatting and eating. Deep inside, I know how much I wanna be with him. After IHOP, we went over to Wal-mart. Pushing the cart together like those couple shopping in the groceries shop. I never experience that before.

In the past, before I went over to Dallas. We have been communicating through skype, sms, msn and phone calls. I enjoyed those days where he will text me to tell me he misses me, can't wait to skype with me. He would play games with me online. He also did something really sweet, he sent me roses and gift while he was oversea. I was very touched. Till now the roses are still with me.

you were my beautiful dream

2009-12-04T23:03:00.001+07:00

You were my beautiful dream....

it ended

2009-12-04T18:40:00.002+07:00

Many of us fall and get up. But what about those who fall and couldn't get up. Getting up is not an easy thing. We sometimes need a helping hand to help out. It would be easier with help and speed up injuries.

Heart has been torn. The cuts on it are not healing. Instead, salt seems to slowly make the wound even worse. Wounds are nothing compared to hurt. The pain of hurt is unbearable.

Friends have been asking me out. But I wanna stay home even though there is totally nothing I can do at home. I missed all outing they planned. I seem so helpless so hopeless. There is nothing I could do. I don't wanna step out of my place. I don't wanna face the world. How tragical I am now. A strong headed like me being so pathetic. I lost the will in life. I don't even know how to face the world. I used to be on top of the world, the light in the dark but sadly my world came falling down. I don't smile anymore. I forgotten how to smile. I used to smile and think the things wun get so bad afterall. But indeed, somehow things ended up really tragic for me.

I couldn't help looking through the photos of the memories we shared, the text messages he sent me, those promised he made. I misses those smiles from him, those silly moves he made. I used to have the best but I took it for granted. I am the one who ruined everything. I blamed myself for the bad ending. He was so perfect so beautiful but I did not cherish him. I never blamed him for the choice he made. He should definitely deserve someone better. He was unfortunate enuff to meet me. I am a loser, good for nothing. He deserve happiness for what he has been through. He deserves better.

I used to dream about what kinda future we will have, what we will be doing in 2-3 years time. I thought about marriage, having beautiful kids, having a wonderful family. But the bubble burst. There were so much I could have done.

The 3 months have been the most wonderful thing in my life. especially meeting him. He light up my world. He guided me in life and taught me numerous thing. I wouldn't say I have grown up behaving more like a woman but indeed I grew. I managed to do and learn many things that I never did before in my life. That was really a great impact to me. It brought me to another level in life.

I have always been grateful to god for letting me know him. I knew I have never make the wrong choice. I thank him for everything, from stepping into to my life till leaving. Every fairy tale has an ending but I never thought mine would be so pathetic so tragic so soon. I envy those couples out there hands in hands. I used to have one.... Walking to the mall hands in hands, I was proud holding his hand. With him around me, I shone like a glowing star. He was the one who lighten me up. He brought the light in me. He was not just any bf, he was my soul mate, my best friend, my everything. When I feel sad, I will tell him. He can read me like a book. Know what am I thinking, what am I about to say next. I rely on him too much I guessed. We were once so close.

Silly and crabby died. It also maybe shown that it is time to end everything.

I wanna flee. I wanna run away from reality. I don't wanna face all these. This is not the Charmaine I used to be. Where is the one who laugh like mad, act crazily? I fell so deep. Will I ever get out? I have no choice but to accept the break up even I dun wanted to. Accept that he doesn't love me, he doesn't want me, he doesn't care for me anymore. He was so cruel and cold after the break up so that I could give him up. I don't want to. But what can I do but to watch him go......

happiness

2009-12-04T15:30:00.000+07:00

Happiness is being with you!

期待

2009-12-04T12:11:00.002+07:00

期待. Waiting

我不想忘记你

我在向前走却像在退后
我在用想念狂欢寂寞
越快乐就越失落
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

一个人不懂什么是拥有
两个人不懂怎么把握
越在乎就越脆弱
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

world falling

2009-12-04T10:49:00.000+07:00

The world came falling down.
I can't suppose it any longer.

still you

2009-12-03T21:14:00.001+07:00

If I was given a choice, the answer is still 'YOU'

mistakes

2009-12-03T20:24:00.003+07:00

Mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. It is very important that people make mistake, they must learn from it. I am like any others, I too make mistakes. I regretted after making that mistake. It could be avoided but instead I made that was so unforgivable. Haissss

Life is never easy. But I guessed life for me is going to get tougher and tougher.

thank you santa

2009-11-30T00:25:00.001+07:00

Sicked big time.
I think I am getting my christmas wish earlier than what I expected.
Thank you Santa!